French Windows

Children read Asterix and Tin-Tin, but French adults are seriously into comic books too. The market is enormous. Over 800 are published each year and more than 21 million are sold annually. ‘Les Bandes Dessinées’,which translates as ‘drawn strips’, is used to describe them rather than comic books.They are read by professionals and the middle-classes. In fact 40% of French people regularly buy them. A friend of ours has written one about the history of champagne. I think a British person would say that the last comic they read was when they were in junior school.

Black cats are supposed to be lucky in the UK, but in France a black cat is unlucky.

I don’t know anyone who has a wall to wall carpet in their house in France. People might have a big rug in the sitting room, but that is all. We had to fit a new bathroom as soon as we moved into our French house as the previous owners were in the process of changing it when they needed to move. To cover the old flooring quickly and cheaply, we bought carpet tiles. This has drawn remarks from our French friends. It is just not done in France; but we prefer warmth under our feet when we have to get up during the night! You know what I mean?

Many parts of your personal information have a lower case letter and not a capital. Month of birth – janvier; where you live – rue/allée/impasse/avenue Aristide Briand; nationality –  anglaise; religion –  chrétien.Plus, days of the week are not capitalised either.

If you work a full day for a company over a certain size, they are obliged by law to give you a midday meal. This can take the form of a meal voucher ‘chèque déjeuner’ of around €9 or they must provide a restaurant. These are unmarked and often in the basement of the building. Just watch where people are disappearing to at midday.

There are 8,500 km of navigable waterways in France. Canals are still used to transport grain and goods. Champagne is sometimes transported by barge as it is harder to hijack a barge than a lorry. One barge replaces 15 lorry loads of merchandise. If you want an environmentally friendly holiday, a canal barge ticks all the boxes except one. Sewage is discharged directly into the river. There are very few waterside facilities for it yet in France. The England and Wales have only 2,270 miles of rivers and canals for your pleasure. But, did you know that Birmingham has more canals than Venice?

You will never be short of a calendar in France. From November onwards people knock at your door holding calendars of various qualities. It is illegal to ask for, or to give, a ‘Christmas box’ to tradesmen, so they turn up with a calendar, for which you give a donation. It was our first year in France, and one evening I was alone in the house.  I heard a knock on the door. When I answered it, there were three men standing there who just said, ‘Poubelles’! I could not understand why they wanted my dustbins at that time of night. They repeated it, another couple of times before disappearing down the road. I was completely mystified. As I mulled it over, I vaguely remembered a passage from the book ‘Living and Working in France’. I got it out and started hunting through it. Eventually, I found the passage where the author explained about tradesmen and Christmas boxes. He wrote, ‘If you do not want your rubbish spread out in the street for the next year, give a donation and get a calendar’. I was very worried until the next bin collection, but my rubbish was taken away as usual and I realized the author was writing tongue in cheek! Not only the dustbin men, but the postman and the firemen, will call holding calendars and expecting at least 5€. I wonder if they would like a pot of homemade marmalade instead?

BUSES. I don’t understand why state bus companies, that are operating at huge losses, let people get on without expecting them to pay. On UK buses, you have to pass the conductor/driver and pay for a ticket. On French buses passengers are expected to blip their pre-paid ticket at a machine. Many people do not bother to pay and the driver says nothing. Perhaps it is part of Liberté, Fraternité and Eqalité? When bus inspectors get on, it is interesting to see how many people get off! The inspectors catch some people who have to pay a fine of between 30-40€. As many people are aware, ‘C’est statistiquement rentable de payer seulement les amendes.’ = ‘Statistically it is cheaper to only pay the fines.’

BUTTER. The French prefer unsalted butter, but we prefer salted. When I served a scone to a friend in my teashop, she immediately noticed that there was a salty taste to the butter. During our first few months in France, we were looking for ‘salted butter’, which is a rarity in our region. Beurre salé, which is a speciality found in Brittany is very salty with more  than 3 % of salt. Beurre demi-sel has up to 3 %.  The lovely British Yeo Valley butter has 1.5g per 100g but some other UK brands have more. Demi-sel ismost likely to match your tastes.

The French take this skill to heights most of us have never experienced before, after all, bureaucrats or ‘functionaires’ make up over 22% of the workforce. For example, my husband recently mislaid his driving licence. He looked on the French government website which said that he must go to the local Mayor’s office. The lady there said that she didn’t deal with such things, but he needed a form from the police to say that he had lost the licence. He went to the police station, where he was told that they had not dealt with such things for 5 years and that he should to go to the Sous-préfecture. Meanwhile he had gathered all the necessary paperwork. He had bought 2 tax stamps, that are only sold at tobacconists; 2 passport photos, from a machine at the supermarket; a photo copy of his passport; official form ‘A’ in duplicate; official form ‘B’- single copy and of course a copy of our gas bill. As it was August, the office was only open every other day of the week because of the holidays, and people were queuing outside the doors. When he got to the counter, the man looked at all the papers and said everything was OK. The official took most of them, but gave two back. He said that my husband would receive the new licence through the post within 14 days. A few days later, we received a letter from the Sous-préfectureto say that they couldn’t send it, as his dossier was not complete. Please could he send a copy of our gas bill and a copy of his passport – papers he had taken, the official had seen, and then had handed back! All of this keeps many people in employment! When we relate stories like this to our French friends, they shrug their shoulders. C’est la vie! C’est la France!