Can you guess which product is being talked about here? ‘For more than 50 years our company has put all of its enthusiasm into making for you XXXs with inimitable, unique flavours. With this brand of XXXs, made in the traditional way you will be taken back to the original pleasurable taste which brings together the crispiness, the finesse and the good taste of the vegetable from which it is made. We select the best ingredients for our recipes, made with sunflower oil and with varieties of vegetables chosen with great attention that are exclusively grown in France. To be able to always satisfy you and to limit your consumption of unhealthy oils we only use sunflower oil with a high level of omega-9. It is at the foot of the Garlaban hills, amongst the thyme, rosemary and the summer savory that we thought up this recipe. This is why our XXX’s with sea salt have the delightful flavour of Provence.’ Did you guess the product that is being described with such expansive writing? The correct answer is – salted crisps! On one hand, I am amused and astonished that someone can be so creative on the subject of the humble crisp, but on the other hand, I wish that self-effacing, modest Brits would blow their own trumpets in the same way about our quality products. Perhaps things are improving because I found this on a packet of Piper’s crisps. ‘Made by farmers. At Piper’s we endeavour to make Britain’s tastiest crisps. We hand select the best locally grown potatoes, remove just enough skin, slice them to the right thickness and then batch cook them in pure sunflower oil. Still warm, we then season them with ingredients carefully selected from producers who care as passionately about the quality of their products as we do about ours. Our cheddar cheese is supplied by Lye Cross Farm situated at the foot of the Mendip Hills near the village of Cheddar. Here traditional methods and skills are employed such as ‘cheddaring’ – the practice of turning and stacking the curds until mature and full of flavour. Pipers…crisps as they should taste.’ I think Piper’s win on factual content as ‘finesse’, ‘great attention’ and ‘delightful’ are subjective rather than objective.

 

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