French Windows

 Obviously, the French speak French and the English speak English. However, it is very interesting to see from Shakespeare’s plays, how little French has changed in 400 years in comparison with the English language. In Acts 3 and 4 of Henry V there are two scenes written in French (Scenes IV in both). Pistol, the English soldier says to a captured Frenchman, “Yield, cur”. We no longer use ‘yield’ but ‘surrender’. Nor do we use ‘cur’ for ‘dog’. The captured French soldier appeals to Pistol’s better qualities with, “Je pense que vous êtes gentilhomme de bonne qualité”. = ‘I think you are a gentleman of good quality.’ There is nothing in that sentence that cannot be understood by a modern French person. Pistol replies with, “Qualtitie calmie custure me. Art thou a gentleman? What is thy name? Discuss.” Language that is incomprehensible today. I will quote another exchange because ‘calmie custure me’ is debated as inaccurate by scholars.“Ô Seigneur Dieu!” says the Frenchman, to which Pistol retorts, “O Seigneur Dew should be a gentleman. Perpend my words, O Seigneur Dew, and mark: O Seigneur Dew, thou diest on point of fox, except, O Seigneur, thou do give to me egregious ransom.” In twenty-first century English we no longer use ‘thee’ and ‘thou’ nor the ending ‘-est’ on verbs, and few would know that ‘a fox’ was a term for a sword! “Ô, prenez miséricorde! Ayez pitié de moi!” = ‘Have mercy! Have pity on me.’ “Est-il impossible d’échapper la force de ton bras?” = ‘Is it impossible to escape from the strength of your arms?’ The Frenchman continues in language perfectly understandable 400 years later. We have to thank the members of the Académie Française, which was founded in 1635 for their work of codifying the rules of grammar and the spelling of the French language, for sticking to the task so tenaciously.

Surprisingly there is a lot of New Zealand lamb on sale in France. Here is a fascinating little story for you which explains why.  In 1985, the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior was in a New Zealand Harbour waiting to go and protest in the Pacific against French nuclear tests. French special agents were sent to sabotage the boat. Two bombs were placed aboard, one small one designed to not do a lot of damage but only to make people get off. Another more powerful bomb would explode a few minutes later that would sink the boat. Unfortunately, a Portuguese photographer returned to his cabin to fetch his expensive camera and was trapped and drowned in the second explosion. The French agents were soon caught. France had to pay compensation to New Zealand and Greenpeace. As part of the deal a certain quantity of New Zealand lamb is allowed into France each year without having to pay import duties or taxes. French lamb is mostly indoor raised. It never sees daylight nor runs on grass. Indoor rearing means antibiotics are regularly used. So, if you want free range lamb look for a NZ label. Lamb is traditionally eaten with pale green flageolet beans that have been dried and soaked. Mint sauce and roast potatoes would raise eyebrows.

‘Le Fête du Travail’. Contrary to its name this is the day when no one works! On 1^st May everyone gets a holiday. There is a quaint custom of giving lily-of-the-valley flowers to family and friends. Charles IX started the tradition and to give a bunch is a ‘porte-bonheur’ – a good luck symbol. Sellers set up stalls at every intersection and roundabout with bowls of water containing their freshly picked sprigs. Apparently, it is the only day when Joe Bloggs can try to make a bit of money for himself AND, strangely for France, there is no law that prevents him. But beware, for should you dare to add a little rose bud to the freshly picked woodland flowers you could be in trouble. ‘Art floral’ can only be practiced by trained professional florists. Your efforts at adornment could be seen as competition and lead to job losses amongst that profession! Go to jail!

There are labels on many French products to give them an air of authenticity. Would you really know the difference between an IGP (Indication Géographique Protégée) and an AOP (Appelation d’origine Protégée) and a Label Rouge? Apparently, there are nine varieties of dried peas and lentils that each bears one of these labels. But what do these labels mean in practice? They mean that the product comes from a region where they were historically grown and must be grown to certain standards. However, they are not organic. Be careful with the label that says, ‘Voted the best product of 2019’. Manufacturers send their sample to a private marketing business who compares it with a few other similar products and gives a certificate to their customer for a fee.

English people use a small spoon to stir their tea, therefore the spoon is called a ‘teaspoon’. French people use the same sized spoon to stir their coffee so it’s called a ‘une cuillère à café’ = coffee spoon. In France, soup is traditionally eaten for the evening meal. The ‘cuillère à soupe’ is a very big spoon that we would call a tablespoon. Forks are often put on the table with the tines pointing down, as it is considered safer and more gentile. Many Frenchmen carry a pocket knife ‘un canif de poche’. The origin of the word possibly comes from Old English when the ‘kn’ of ‘knife’ was pronounced. Desserts are eaten with a spoon, even if it’s a cake or a tart. Cutlery used for an ‘entrée’ is kept to be used for the main course, even in restaurants. Amongst friends you are often expected to use the same plate and utensils for both courses. If you want a clean plate, there is always bread available with which the sauces  can be mopped up .

 Living and working in France has meant that we needed a French computer with €, é, ç, ^, etc. However, getting used to a full stop being uppercase has been the bane of my life. My writing is constantly peppered with semi-colons because that is the lower-case part of the same key. When giving an email address with an underscore in it a French person might say that it is key 8, not realising that the symbols are in different places on Qwerty keyboards.

 Want to work for yourself in France? Like working with animals? Don’t want a 9-5 office job? You could be a free-lance pig killer! Someone who had worked for 26 years as a butcher in a supermarket saw a gap in the market. Legally all other farm animals must be taken to an abattoir to be killed, but pigs are not included in the legislation. This entrepreneur goes to the customer’s house with his box of knives and his mincing machine, does the dirty deed and the clients have enough pork in their freezer for a year. Try doing that in the UK!

An American friend suggested this topic as one I should write about. In the USA, it is a criminal offence to cross the street where there is no pedestrian crossing. In France pedestrians have right of way and young people seem to think that risking their life to prove a point is a matter of principle. My friend drives her husband to work at the university and has to keep her eyes peeled and to drive at a snail’s pace in order to avoid mowing down foolhardy teenagers. It was one of my prayers when my daughter moved back to England that this particular habit had not got too engrained. Pedestrian accident statistics give the figure of 317 for France and 253 for the UK. These are the deaths of people 30 days after an accident. I presume this is a yearly tally. For countries that have very similar populations, France’s pedestrians clearly have 20% more fatal accidents. French law says that if pedestrians have shown that they want to cross, by taking a step into the road, then they have priority. If a driver runs into a pedestrian, he/she is responsible for the injuries incurred unless it can be proved that the jaywalker wanted to commit suicide! If there is a crossing within 50 meters these rules do not apply, and walkers ought to use the zebra crossing. Not stopping for a pedestrian could lose you 4 points off your licence or a fine of 135€.

French people suffer from strange illnesses that don’t exist in other countries! Visitors chuckled over posters in the Pharmacy window that advertised a cure for ‘heavy legs’. Even though the liver never gives pain, people can suffer from ‘tired livers’. I blame a daily T.V. programme that is on every afternoon – in fact two that are back to back and last for 1½ hours. Doctors must know the contents of the broadcast when patients arrive thinking that they are suffering from the illness of the day. An early evening comedy programme, pokes fun at the pensioners who know the complicated names of tablets off by heart, and in one scene the couple were impressed when their friend got prescribed a pill with a 13-letter-long name!

I wanted to write something on this subject because there are big differences between British law and French law. However, the subject is so complex that I am out of my depth and still wanting answers for our own situation. However, I found this interesting letter in the Telegraph written by Nicholas Wightwick. “In the UK, large estates are left to the eldest child. The Napoleonic Code has destroyed large estates to no one’s benefit. It decrees that estates, property and money must be divided equally between all direct claimants. Furniture, pictures and other valuables are quickly distributed and probably sold, while the house – now belonging to several people – becomes no one’s responsibility. Moreover, there is no organisation like the National Trust in France, which means that large, unwanted houses are often left to rot.”

The division of property into smaller and smaller pieces can be seen in the vineyards. An owner might have many small fields all over the village. As a result organic production is often laughed at as an impossibility because the plots are small and surrounded by owners who use pesticides.  However, the organic samples I have tasted speak for themselves.